We were pricing goats to sacrifice at our annual homage to His Majestic Lord Corona Of The Persistent Cough and Goddess Matilda Of The Brazilian Variant & Carnivorous Vagina when we discovered Amazon and Fresh Direct could not guarantee delivery. The good news was our local chapter of MS-13 was selling Sacrificial Iguanas and would put us on a waiting list for a small Honduran child—and yet neither seemed quite in the holiday spirit as an old fashioned goat.
Last year when we danced naked around the pentagram wearing 3 masks, banging pots to honor the medical staff who showed up to work , beating our breasts to honor everybody who died of anything ever, the goat seemed to join in on the festivities. At least he did until we drank his blood and threw him in the bonfire
Lesson learned.
Next year we won’t put off shopping until the last minute even if the Biden administration expands the list of acceptable sacrificial animals beyond goats, iguanas or small children. And we certainly won’t be lulled into believing sacrificial ceremonies will grow passé in light of the growing list of existential threats on the horizon. Governor Cuomo is currently offering citizens a 16 hour on-line course to prepare for the pandemic expected next November. If you don’t believe that’s on the horizon , it’s a safe bet your needle marks are not all from vaccines.
Nor are we waiting for the Biden Administration –citing the lack of vaccine availability in the EU and pretty much everywhere else Trump was not president – to announce no one can leave the country without a “reasonable excuse.”
No! Hell No! We are planning to get the Hell Out Of Here ASAP. And if they stop us at the border these will be our 1036 reasonable excuses : (see reasons 1 & 2 above):
Reasons 12 through 1035 : Andrew Cuomo, the NY State Legislature, Bill De Blasio , the NYC City Counsel
Reason 1036 : Bill Clinton & Kamala giving lectures on Women Workplace Rights.
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