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Bloomberg Spandex Cult Plans To Bury U.S. Under Bike Lanes


Ex-New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s hints to the media that he may run for U.S. president in 2020 is likely a  signal to Spandex Cults across the country to begin “Operation Criss Cross,”  insiders say. The plan calls for nationwide protests to demand a network of hundreds of thousands of miles of bicycle lanes to cross every motorized roadway and in some cases go right through public buildings and private households. The cults plan to recruit school children to join in the protests. And while there are no exact numbers on how many men who dress up in tight-fitting spandex are pedophiles, it’s obviously high.


As most will recall,  a stunning report issued this past summer concluded that the only possible explanation for constructing  500 miles of New York City bike lanes was ex-Mayor Bloomberg’s all-consuming obsession with Spandex. Commissioned by irate straphanger groups, a team of forensic psychiatrists and vice squad detectives charge that members of a Bloomberg financed Spandex sex cult infiltrated bicycle clubs, bribed city planners and sponsored thousands of immigrants from countries where the perversion is widespread — France and a region of Albania called Polska.


Polska Literally Means “Pole Exhibition” In Albanian  


The report goes on to detail the dark history of the NYC bike lanes. In 2007, Bloomberg appointed a San Francisco City Planner-–read: a certified loon—named Janette Sadik-Khan (supposedly no relation to the commie nut job currently Mayor of London) in a ceremony shown here :


Janette Sadik-Khan (Shown On Left) 


Ms Sadik-Khan’s responsibility was to maintain the buses, subways, trains, ferries, roads, bridges, and tunnels that an estimated 10 million plus commuters rely upon to get back and forth to work each day. Instead, she decided to ignore all that and spent most of the transportation budget on constructing 500 miles of bicycle lanes to accommodate 20,000 riders– at that time,  mostly illegal immigrants delivering food and illicit drugs.


Investigators say that from  2007 to 2013, Bloomberg and Sadik-Khan were constant companions and often seen emerging from various Lower East Side locations in early dawn hours. At each of these locations the trash areas were soon piled high with empty tubs of Crisco, used amyl nitrate ampules, shredded Spandex, spent batteries, false derriere padding, and ball gags with the paint sucked off.


“In a more enlightened era,” said one sickened psychiatrist, “these deviates would be lashed in the public square.  But we don’t live in that era –do we? Instead, they were honored by the City Council.” The psychiatrist then slid this photo across the desk :




When it was pointed out the photo is actually the New York City Council honoring Ethel Rosenberg on her 100th birthday, which she didn’t actually attend  because she was electrocuted  for selling H-Bomb secrets to Stalin in 1953, the psychiatrist  grew serious :


“Julius and Ethel Rosenberg –the H-Bomb,  John Kerry and the Mullahs—the  Iran Deal, Bloomberg and Sadik-Khan—NYC Bike Lanes  None of it makes sense until one realizes they were all heavily into Spandex. The FBI continues to suppress photos of Julius and Ethel promenading and cavorting in rubberized Betty Boop outfits with a similarly attired Adlai Stevenson. The agency maintains they do so because ‘it might damage the national psyche.’ Well, that’s not going to wash much longer  People stuck in traffic morning after morning were already beginning to put two and two together. With this bombshell report, it is going to get much uglier very soon .”

“Avenue C  at Midnight –BYO Crisco”









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