Books

Book Reviews Are For The Dick Dead

Longtime club members recall a popular feature of our monthly magazine was the Books Section Mostly it was about what the proverbial “Man About Town” was supposed to be reading and it included handy phrases a member could employ to give the impression he had not only read the latest best seller but had inspired the author to write it in the first place .

Other articles were about this speed : 5 Amusing Things To Say About Hamlet ; If She Brings Up Jane Austen–Flee (Seriously, Even If She Has Amazing Tits) ; All You Need To Know About Tolstoy’s “War And Peace” In Less Than 300 Words.

In that ancient era –we’re now talking pre-1995– saying something smart about books and writers (even poets !) was considered an important social asset . Skillfully applied it could get you laid in under an hour. Where now Starbucks and Gap stores line the streets there were not only bookstores but “specialty’ and even “independent” bookstores which were specifically places to meet women. There were rules of conduct. And codes. When a woman said she liked the latest Cheever , for example , she probably meant “I like to take it up the ass,” and so forth.

Huge Penis Book Trumps #MeToo

Reviewed Eddie “Stink Finger” Spasky & The Ass Man

This bright red, gold stamped strikingly handsome volume came to our attention during the darkest days of last Fall. If you think Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer , Dustin Hollman and the Affleck Brothers were catching heat from the office help for their past peccadillos , imagine the climate for guys known around town as The Ass Man or Stink Finger Eddie —sultry with flashes of thermonuclear meltdown doesn’t cover it by half. When the herd gets a bee up its collective butt it’s urgent to choose your words and actions with the greatest of caution.

Fortunately, we’ve both run into the situation a time or two in the past and weathered the storm by putting into operation what we calls The Passive Ploy—a brilliant but unfortunately often tedious stratagem.

But it was then that this brilliantly conceived joint effort by a man of the cloth and an unknown until now medical genius fell into our lap. Long time enrollees at the Ass Students League will of course know exactly how to employ the volume , but for new recruits or those hopelessly stuck in 101 courses –you know who you are !—a few words of advice.