December 2017 January 2018 Jokes,etc.

Trump Gets Tax Vote …Roy Moore Loses …Giants Fire Coach And GM …Franken Actually Quits…Muslim Blows Self Up In NYC Terror Bid…In Record-Breaking Cold Idiots From Long Island And New Jersey Appear In Times Square To Watch A Ball Drop   

December 2017 Best Of The Web Jokes 

 

 Multiple reliable sources have confirmed that Donald J. Trump has plans to step down from his office as President of the United States effective at Noon, on Monday, January 22, 2025.

 

Politically Correct Holiday Greeting:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2xxx, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical disability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
Legal Disclaimer: By accepting this agreement, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Sincerely,
(Name withheld for legal, social and cultural considerations.)

 

 

FOUR STAGES OF MAN: He believes in Santa He doesn’t believe in Santa. He is Santa ….and # 4: He starts looking like Santa

 

Sentimental  Christmas Phone Text  Not every flower can say love, but a rose can. Not every plant survives a thirst, but a cactus can. Not every retard can read, but look at you go, little buddy! Today, you should take a moment and send an encouraging message to a fucked up friend, just as I have done. I don’t care if you lick windows, or screw farm animals. You hang in there cupcake, because you’re fucking special to me, and you’re my friend. Look at you smiling at your phone, you crayon eating motherfucker.

 

If men REALLY ruled the world –

Any fake number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be considered an acceptable response to “I love you.”

Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A slap on the ass and a “Good try, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it.

All telephone calls with a female would automatically cut off after thirty seconds.

 

MALE PRIVILEGE: Deaths in battle Men 97.7% Women 2.3% Homelessness Men 62% Women 38% Suicides Men 77.9% Women 22.1% Homicides Men 77.4% Women 22.6% Workplace deaths Men 93% Women 7% College graduates Men 40% Women 60% Winners of custody Men 17.8% Women 82.2%

 

SHOCKER!


Two Warner Bros. Super Stars Worked Totally In The Nude—for DECADES ! No One Said Anything! ……Everyone Knew !

 

Ever Have To Wear Something Weird To Work Because For Way, Way Too Long You Put Off Doing The Laundry?

 

Maureen Dowd declares herself part of the #metoo movement and thinks Bill Clinton’s accusers should be believed. Here’s what she said about  on Monica Lewinsky: “a ditsy, predatory White House intern who might have lied under oath for a job at Revlon “ “It appears that there’s one thing Monica has immunity from: brains” “Petunia Pig in a black beret.”

 

I can easily make lemonade… but I have no idea what to do when life gives me a fitted sheet.

 

I went to Thailand and came so close to sleeping with a ladyboy.  She looked like a girl talked like a girl even walked like a girl. It wasn’t until she reversed the car perfectly into the parking space I thought “hang on a second”.

 

JOKE OF THE MONTH :

image_pdfPDFimage_printPrint

Trending Stories

Share on facebook
Facebook
Share on google
Google+
Share on twitter
Twitter
Share on reddit
Reddit
Share on linkedin
LinkedIn

Don’t

Dither 

SUBSCRIBE TODAY

Close Menu

Now That You've Found Us

Let's Stay In Touch !

Close Panel