Listen : Most people do not like funny people . Not really . The reasons are brutally straightforward . About one-half the male population dwell south of the Stanford -Binet line and thus are consumed with why shit keeps happening and when they’re going to be blamed for it.They are the reason for Carrot Top , Gallagher and Will Ferrell With rare exceptions women are not funny and believe anyone who tells jokes is overcompensating for character flaws and have deep seated emotional pathologies. Beautiful women loathe funny people, most particularly of their own gender — simply because they are serious rivals for the spotlight. Men with above average intelligence and ambition often like hanging around with funny guys , particularly when it’s time to get high and look for women. If , however, it’s business , war , divorce or cancer –and that’s pretty much all there is after age 25 –they have little time for funny friends.
It’s a safe bet anyone funny enough to come up the Best Joke of 2018 to celebrate our spectacular Sex-A-Centennial celebration will die alone. But even if against all odds somehow he is universally celebrated for his comic gifts, the ugly truth is no one will remember any of his jokes for the simple reason that he was the only one in the group who remembered any jokes in the first place and that’s why he was considered the funny guy. So when he dies he will be forgotten as soon as the last punch line fades from memory, which will be about two seconds after they scatter the ashes.
Here’s the thing :if our actuaries are correct you are not going to live another 99 years . But the No Girls Allowed Writers Club definitely will be around and we have access to an unlimited supply of hamsters. Not just raggedy ass wheel spinners either, but thoroughbreds equipped with microchips . That is, if our hamsters come to an abrupt end by misfortune or, say, have to be put to sleep due to extreme incontinence , our central command will immediately be alerted and they will ship a new hamster by overnight Fed-Ex delivery or , who can say , possibly a Star Trek transporter.
So win the contest and some lucky heir or family– and perhaps their children and even possibly their children’s children–will get a regular supply of hamsters each with a card saying Compliments of (Your Name Here) The Funny Guy.