“Forty years ago I was forced to hang out with 10 and 12-year-old boys. They are all liars, sneaks and wannabe bullies. If we had ScholaStick® nicotine patches back then,  I am convinced I’d still have both of my balls.” J.Clyde”Speed” Owens

 

Comparison tests with Ritalin, Adderall and leading Ape Tranquilizers, have proven ScholaStick™   Nicotine Patches are twice as effective at shutting down  5-12-year-old aspiring comedians. Back Talk, Tantrums and Open Defiance cut by 80% in just one week!

 

The ancient wisdom of Native American Indians continues to amaze. True, they never got around to inventing the wheel but with over 45,000 annual deaths in car accidents in this country alone, maybe they saw what was coming. Their greatest contribution: Nicotine This wonder drug calms the nervous system and focuses the mind. In boys it performs miracles.

 

ALL PLANTS ARE SACRED BUT SOME ARE MORE SACRED THAN OTHERS

 

Teachers driven to the brink of insanity by their shenanigans report that boys wearing nicotine patches who they once labeled scourges on humanity now exhibit an almost zombie-like acquiescence. But it actually gets better: Nicotine has psychotropic properties known to produce truly frightening nightmare in all ages but particularly in ages 5-12. After a night of being chased around by monsters and boogie men, clinical studies have shown that little Mr. Genghis Khan is now too frightened of his own shadow to plan trouble :

 

After A Night On The Patch: Expect Good Manners 

 

But here’s the kicker :

 

Parents often complain that after toilet training and parallel parking, the hardest thing to teach a kid is how to smoke. And yet, everyone can recall that the coolest kids in school were always the first to sneak smokes in the bathroom. No problem. Boys brought up on nicotine patches develop such cravings they are able to Bogart a Castro sized Cohiba without feeling the slightest bit light headed. Boys who smoke are far more likely to be accepted into gangs and many go on to lucrative careers in organized crime or politics. Or both!

 

Check Out our Hottest Patches This Year (Full Catalogue Available From Our Field Agents) 

Emoji

7mg-14mg-21 mg

A Month of Emojis–Happy, P.O.ed, Kick Ass — to let Teacher  and the kids in school know what kind of day they can expect 

Combat

7mg.-14mg-21.mg

“Kill ‘Em All -Let God Sort Them Out” –Authentic Marine , Seal Team 6 & Army Demolition Combat Patches– 

Dead Injun

7mg-14mg-21mg

Designs By Butch Spasky, Jr.  –legendary tattoo artist for the Hell’s Angels , The Pagans , The Vice Lords 

 

 

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR GIRLS

Studies reveal that girls don’t require  Nicotine Patches since learning how to throw tantrums is considered an important life skill for the gender. Also, studies prove girls who start smoking in fifth or six grade are 70% more likely to become the biggest sluts in high school

 

Want To Sell ScholaStick Nicotine Patches for Boys?

 

If you are a go-getter who is just starting out, or an old timer looking to make an easy buck,  contact our sales manager J. Clyde “Speed” Owens. You can contact him by writing care of this website or better yet by just asking around most major train depots or bus stations. If you don’t meet up with Speed himself, you’ll definitely run into one of his representatives.

J.Clyde “Speed” Owens

ScholaStick  Sales Manager    

KIDS LOVE ‘EM ! 

 

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