This bright red, gold stamped strikingly handsome volume came to our attention during the darkest days of last Fall. If you think Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Dustin Hollman and the Affleck Brothers were catching heat from the office help for their past peccadillos, imagine the climate for guys know around town as The Ass Man or Stink Finger Eddie —sultry with flashes of thermonuclear meltdown doesn’t cover it by half. When the herd gets a bee up its collective butt it’s urgent to choose your words and actions with the greatest of caution.
Fortunately, we’ve both run into the situation a time or two in the past and weathered the storm by putting into operation what we call The Passive Ploy—a brilliant but unfortunately often tedious stratagem.
But it was then that this brilliantly conceived joint effort by a man of the cloth and an unknown until now medical genius fell into our lap. Longtime enrollees at the Ass Students League will, of course, know exactly how to employ the volume, but for new recruits or those hopelessly stuck in 101 courses –you know who you are !—a few words of advice.
Having the volume “accidentally” fall out of the glove compartment or “casually” left out on the bar rail next to, say, a copy of Summa Theologica by St. Thomas Aquinas are rookie grade mistakes that may even be prosecutable in today’s Salem like atmosphere. Professionals recommend placing it in your medicine cabinet because studies overwhelmingly confirm: they ALL look in there.
Also, whether you read it or not is not relevant. What’s important is that the copy is well-thumbed. Also, if you happen to be less than well endowed, please review our lectures on Controlling Bedroom Lighting and Why A Briefly Microwaved Cucumber Might Be Your Best Friend